Concrete Angel

Hey, it's already the end of October and less than 3 months, we'll end 2011. So, lately I thought about my life and what I've done for the past 16 years of my life. When I thought about stupid mistakes I've done, about heartaches I've been through, about people that left me behind, about the unfortunate accidents I've felt, I thought that my life sucks. Sometimes, I really wanted to have others' life, the one that likely, have no problem. The one that full of success, the one that seems like never suffer any accidents or heartaches or even mistakes. An incident changes my point of view fully. My mom just got home from my uncle's home and she told me that my aunt has suffered breast cancer for 4 months. She said that my aunt was already bald, really skinny, and said that her life is worthless. My aunt is already hopeless about her disease and her life. This makes me think really much about how I was really ungrateful about my life that much much better than my aunt's life. The life we've felt ungrateful for, maybe is the life others want to have.

Maybe you're confused what's the relation of the title and this post. Well, "Concrete Angel" is a song by Martina McBride about a girl, also a victim of rape at her really young age. She still goes to school with heavy burden on her shoulder, that no one knows. This make me think about how I really ungrateful when I grumble about school, which I still could get through without heavy burden like the girl does. This song teaches me about our problem is not the heaviest one. Even when we're in trouble, we still can give thanks for other things we have.

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

- Martina McBride, "Concrete Angel"

Sebelas Patriot

Semua hal ada dalam sepak bola
Terompet memekakkan, kembang api yang ditembakkan,
api suar yang dilambai-lambaikan dari atas pagar pembatas oleh lelaki kurus tak berbaju itu
adalah perayaan kegembiraan.
Bendera raksasa yang berkibar-kibar itu
adalah psikologi.
Mars penyemangat yang gegap gempita
adalah seni.
Orang-orang yang duduk di podium kehormatan
di tempat paling nyaman menonton bola,
adalah politik.
Orang-orang berdasi yang sibuk dengan telepon genggamnya
di belakang jajaran politisi itu,
adalah bisnis.
Lelaki kurus tadi,
yang sehari-hari berdagang asong di gerbong kereta listrik Bogor-Jakarta,
menabung lama demi membeli tiket menonton PSSI
lalu berteriak mendukung PSSI sampai habis suaranya,
hingga peluit panjang dibunyikan,
adalah keikhlasan.
Para pemain menunduk untuk berdoa,
adalah agama.
Penjaga gawang memeluk tiang gawang sebelum bertanding,
adalah budaya.
Ratusan moncong kamera yang membidik lapangan,
adalah sejarah.
Ayah yang membawa anak-anaknya untuk menonton bola,
adalah cinta.
Bocah-bocah murid SD Inpres di pinggiran Bekasi,
yang patungan untuk menyewa angkot,
berdesak-desakan di dalam mobil omprengan demi  mendukung PSSI,
adalah patriotisme.
Catatan skor pada papan elektronik raksasa,
yang ditatap dengan perasaan senang yang meluap-luap
atau kecemasan yang tak terperikan
adalah sastra yang tak ada bandingnya. 

-Andrea Hirata, Sebelas Patriot

You Get It Just To Lose It

Judul post gue kali ini (setelah sekian lama) agak pesimis ya? Well, actually it doesn't. It's not pessimistic but it's the fact, like it or not. Semua yang lo punya di dunia ini, materi atau apapun itu pasti suatu saat nanti akan lo lepas juga. Jadi apa kalo namanya bukan get it to lose it? Sebenernya gue kepikiran buat nulis tentang ini gara-gara hp gue (yang baru berumur 3 bulanan-an) ilang. :"( Dan hp gue itu adalah pengganti dari hp gue yang sebelumnya ilang juga. Nyesek? Banget. Lemes? Iya. Takut dimarahin? Efek otomatis. Kata orang-orang sih kalau masih rejeki gue pasti bakal balik lagi ke gue, kalau kata papanya miiko di komik miiko yang baru gue baca nih: benda yang hilang itu hilang bersama kesialan pemiliknya. Gatau sih bener apa ga, tapi lumayan lah buat penghibur. #curcol

Setelah gue renungkan lagi #etsah, ternyata bukan cuma hp gue itu doang yang bisa ilang. Semua barang yang lo punya sekarang saat ini, bahkan pacar lo, temen lo, sukses yang udah lo raih, anything around you, you name it, someday they're all will be gone. Agak serem ya? Bukannya ngajak untuk mikir pesimis atau menggalau nih, tapi all I wanna say is: selagi mereka- orang-orang yang lo sayang itu masih ada, treat them well like tomorrow is your last day. Selagi barang-barang lo dan fasilitas yang ada masih bisa lo nikmati, use them wisely. Dunia masih berputar, yang miskin bisa kaya dan yang berkecukupan bisa jatuh miskin. Kalau lo ada kesempatan untuk meraih cita-cita lo dan hal-hal positif, kenapa ga ambil kesempatan itu? Ga ada salahnya kan? Segitu dulu penggalauan dan uneg-uneg gue. Tschuss!

A Little Bit Stronger

Every single morning, I open my eyes

Get up from my bed, starting a new day

Hope day by day life will be a little bit better

Yeah, hoping

No one says that it is going to be better.

Went to school, hanging out with friends

Laughing at someone's joke, always the same

No one really know about me

I'm broken inside

Praying, trying to heal the wound inside

Yeah, it's starting to get better

Finally I'm not as vulnerable as I used to

Every time my feet could finally walk again, someone pushes me from behind

Falling, tearing apart

Sinking to the sea of hatred and falsity

Buried under the ground with nobody hear me crying for help

Feeling dumb, feeling rejected, feeling ugly

Feeling useless and unwanted

Pawing the ground, hoping for lights

Still, no lights come through

Butterfly

My piano teacher asked me to play F.Chopin- Etude op.25 no.9: "Butterfly". Then I do a little research about it and I found this video.



Fuck yea.

Harreh Pottah

After watching Harry Potter Deathly Hallows pt.2, I'm soooooooo sad that this Harry Potter journey has came to the very end of it :"""( Yet, I'm so jealous of these things:

Of the way Ron looks at Hermione

Of how much and how true Snape loved Lily

Of how much Ron and Harry understood each other

Of how Luna never gave a fuck what someone thought of her

Of how brave Neville truly is

And of how strong and unbreakable their friendship is

Source: tumblr. So damn true.

Aku Ingin

Oleh: Sapardi Djoko Damono

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana
dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan
kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana
dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan
awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

I Wanna Lose Myself

Hey, I wanna share about things I keep thinking lately. This is about a feeling of being not in the place you should have been. Happy reading. (Now playing: Coldplay- Fix You)

I'm tired of being forced to do things I don't like.

I'm tired of laughing for formality, but inside I don't get the jokes at all.

I'm tired of keeping anger inside, and have to look happy outside. Sometimes, I wanna be a robot, so that I won't feel anything.

I'm tired of keeping people's feeling good all the time, but when it comes to mine, she's abandoned.

I'm tired of laughing when crowds surrounding me, but when I'm alone, I cried.

I'm tired of sacrificing my own feeling for others to be happy.

I'm tired of giving the one I love to others.

I'm tired of feeling dumb and always being scolded by others. It's like whatever I do, it's all wrong.

I'm tired of understanding others, while they never even try to understand me.

I'm tired of tolerating what I believe in so that there will be no fight.

I'm tired of not being able to insult others while people are free to insult me.

I know, I should blending in with you guys, my so-called-family. But I just can't. I don't know, is it just me or it's really not a place for me.

No need to be angry. I'm the one who do wrong. I'll be okay, or that's what I'll say.

Well, I've chosen it and I should deal with it. I'll pay the consequences and hope for a better future. There's no exit door.

A Part of Them

Hi guys, just had a really LOOOOOOOOOOONG day tomorrow with my second family in high school! Well, I'm not supposed to blog this like really detail, it supposed to be a secret so I keep my voice low and not gonna tell you every single detail of it. Mouth's closed :x but still, I feel like I have to blog this because I'm just feel really really happy also guilty and also exhausted because of it.

This activity, just call it, it's like a really important thing to us, especially as a freshman. Not all of my school students are attending, just us, as a family :) It's not a kinda fun happy comfortable thing to do, however. You've gotta have some guts and strength to do it. To be honest, I felt some kind of slightly hopeless just before the end of it, but because God is good all the time (and also my seniors), we've made it. Okay, not all of us actually, one of us are......well I don't know what to say, maybe being postponed to be just like us. We love you brother!

Before this activity I just felt kinda, I don't know, maybe like not belong to one of them but after it I feel more into them and feel like I'm also a part of them. Also thank you for my seniors I feel sooooooo grateful to have seniors like you guys. Thank you thank you thank you thank you very much for your understanding!

For my second family, that might reading this crap: I spent that night reading those testimonies you guys have written about me. I'm just literally shocked, I don't know you guys know that much things about me. Either I'm too obvious or is it you that put many attentions to me? :p I don't know, what matter to me is thank you for being with me this far. We got many things to do together after this, don't give up, let's bring the best!

P.S: I'm sorry for not writing in proper sequence guys. The second part of April& May post is coming next:)

April&May (Part 1)

Okay, let's make it simpler. As usual, I;m really like crazily busy because of school and piano course. The business drives me crazy but at least I still get fun with it. Here are things that keep me alive from this craziness.

APRIL

1. My 16th birthday!
24th April. Easter's girl. Meskipun ga ada acara sweet sixteen-an kayak di MTV, I still happy with my birthday! Dan menurut gue, ulang tahun menjadi spesial bukan karena apa yang kita lakukan atau yang kita dapat pas ulang tahun tapi makna di dalamnya. Oke, omongan gue agak-agak..... Tapi yang spesial dari ulang tahun itu kan seberapa banyak anugerah Tuhan yang udah dikasih sampai lo umur segitu.

Other than that, I got many birthday wishes from my friends! Love you guys♥♥♥

2. Sinematography Shooting (Part 1) + Easter Celebration with Rokris 8!
It's Saturday, 30th April. Pagi, jam 6-an gue dan kelompok sinem gue: Pot, Tika, Citra, Fina, Tania, Dzikra, Ojan, Haryo, Awang, Sevo buat shooting tugas sinem, bikin film dokumenter. Tema kelompok kita tentang "I Scream With Ice Cream", jadilah pagi itu kita wawancara tukang es podeng depan sekolah di rumahnya di daerah deket Manggarai sana. Tadinya kecarian rumahnya yang mana, but thanks to the good people there, akhirnya ketemu juga rumahnya. Sempet nunggu dulu di sana, nunggu abangnya bikin es nya dulu. Jadilah kita ngaso-ngaso nonton TV bahkan tidur-tiduran gara-gara masih ngantuk (ini agak ga tau diri) sampai es nya selesai. Pas es nya selesai, gue yang jadi reporter dan Sevo kameramen, Ojan sutradara ngeshoot abangnya lagi bikin flavor es nya. Pas pulang gara-gara abangnya ga jualan hari itu, disuruhlah kita bawa es podeng 1 gentong yang baru dibikin tadi. Gara-gara malemnya gue sama Tika ada perayaan paskah Rokris, gue dan Tika disuruh bawa es krim 1 gentong buat dibagi-bagiin. -_- Abis dari situ kita ke Pisa Cafe Tebet buat ngeshoot pembuatan gelato , tapi karena Harsya minta dijemput biar ga gabut-gabut dan jemput Kak Putri juga, kita ke sekolah dulu. Pas di sekolah mau confirm Pisa Cafe Tebet, eh ternyata mesinnya rusak. Mau beralih ke Pisa Cafe Menteng tapi ga bisa di telepon. Akhirnya Kak Putri bilang ke Plangi aja, banyak toko es krim katanya. Di jalan macet beudh parah, hujan-hujan lagi. Jadilah di satu mobil Tika itu tidur sampe ngiler-ngiler semua. Sampe di Plangi, pada mau beli buku buat tugas Agama Islam dulu ke Gramed, sementara Kak Putri nyari toko es krim. Dan ternyata ga ada toko es krimnya. Oke, karena udah sore dan masih ada yang punya acara jadilah kita makan siang dan pisah, gue sama Tika ke rumah Tika buat ganti baju dan yang lain ngebolang entah kemana.

As you know, Sabtu siang di daerah Tebet. Macet. Untungnya Plangi- Tebet ga terlalu macet. Set set set set ganti baju, langsung cao lagi ke GKI Halimun. Kebo, tidur lagi di mobil Tika. Sampe di sana gladi resik terakhir kali dengan Stefano a.k.a StefG_Hot und Claudia as M.C. Gue, Menyot, Carissa, Kak Raken, dan Kak Doko as pemusik. Tika, Timo, and Gir as singer. Seru banget perayaannya! Confession: Baru bikin persembahan angkatan on the spot dan di hari-H. Gila banget sumpah. But well, ga maksimal tapi intinya kan bikin HAHAHA. After perayaan baru deh sesi foto-foto edan. These are some of our photos:

Welcome Justin!

Welcome Justin Bieber (and, a little piece of uninvited Selena Gomez) to Indonesia! I'm neither watching your concert today, nor a belieber but since your come to Indonesia is a hype so....... I kinda think I've to post some of these pictures.



And what the hell is this?!

What the fuck is this, dude? And by the way, I'm not your-so-called bitches.

Anyway, I don't give a damn attention for her. Good luck Biebs on your concert today on Sentul Convention Center. Give those girls some loves!

Silly Love Songs

Paul McCartney and The Wings - Silly Love Songs

You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs
I look around me and I see it isn't so
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
And what's wrong with that?
I'd like to know
Cause here I go again
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I can't explain the feeling's plain to me, can't you see?
Ah, she gave me more, she gave it all to me now can't you see?
What's wrong with that?
I need to know'
Cause here I go again
I love you, I love you
Love doesn't come in a minute
Sometimes it doesn't come at all
I only know that when I'm in it
It isn't silly, love isn't silly, love isn't silly at all

How can I tell you about my loved one?
How can I tell you about my loved one?
How can I tell you about my loved one?
How can I tell you about my loved one?

I love you
I love you
I can't explain the feeling's plain to me, say can't you see? (I love you)
Ah, he gave me all, he gave it all to me to me, say can't you see? (I love you)
I can't explain the feeling's plain to me, say can't you see? (How can I tell you about my loved one?)
Ah, he gave me all, he gave it all to me to me say can't you see? (How can I tell you about my loved one?)
I can't explain the feeling's plain to me, say can't you see? (How can I tell you about my loved one?)
Ah, he gave me all, he gave it all to me to me say can't you see? (How can I tell you about my loved one?)
You'd think that people would have had enough

Things Worth to Wait For

Listening to Taylor Swift's "Love Story", randomly hear this lyric: "I've got tired on waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around." Sometimes, we're not willing to wait because we're the instant generation. We do things instantly, and things instantly come to us itself. But these are things worth to wait:

1. Your special dates. Your birthday, your anniversary of something, your day to commemorate something, whatever.

2. Chances. It comes once, then gone. Catch while you can.

3. Things you've been desired.

4. True friends. Hard to get, long to wait, endless when you got them.

5. Prince in shining armor. Well, kinda exaggerating but it's real not only in the fairytale. All of us got our own prince somewhere out there. Wait, be patience, live your life till that moment you find him.

Holiday Project

Hey everybody! I'm on my holiday right now. To be precisely, this holiday is because my 12th grade seniors are on national exam. I wish you many luck seniors, especially for 8 2011, Rokris 8 2011, and Siera 44! Hope you'll get the best university! Back to the topic, in this one-week-holiday; well, it's really rare to get one week holiday in Indonesia, it's hard even for a day!; I've got some plans to do. Not really sure I'm gonna complete all of these points, but as proverb said: He who fails to plan, plans to fail.

Here are my plans:

1. Go to Senen, buy some vintage yet cheap clothes and accessories. By the way, I've done it today with Vania and Yohanna. Got some cool stuffs there.

2. Movie marathon, especially chick flicks. Oh, gotta buy some old romantic movies. Noted.

3. Well, music practicing for Rokris' Easter Service. Held on Saturday, 30th April.

4. Make over my room. This plan has some difficulties, and the top of those difficulties is: MONEY! :"(

5. Try some difficult piano pieces, and oh, my own new repertoire pieces.

6. Hang with my Junior High School buddies.

7. Get a nice Good Friday and Easter (also 16th birthday, at Easter) with family. Actually, it's not a plan, it's more of hopeful kinda thing.

That's all of my plans. Hopefully this list will work. Amen.

Doo Woops and Hooligans

Am loving this guy. Watched his concert on Jakarta last 5th April 2011. No doubt about his voice. Never doubt about his look. Indonesia loves you!

Confession

Every time my friend gets a boy/girlfriend, I'm happy and I'm sad at the same time. I'm happy for them of course but somehow, I'm sad. I'm not sad because I don't have any boyfriend, I'm just scared of losing them.

Monte Carlo

Seeing your favorite actresses and actors in one screen is ordinary. But the funny thing about this movie (for me) is seeing someone that people said look like you and be called with your own name! Just can't wait to watch this movie.

Dear someone.....

I wish someday you'll realize it's been me here all along.

Current Girl Crush

You know her? Yap, this is Chloë Grace Moretz (she's got my name as her middle name B-)). If you've watched Aaron Johnson's Kick Ass or Zooey Deschanel's 500 Days of Summer, you must know her. She's only 13 years old right now, even younger than me! But she's got a really good fashion sense and also that gorgeous face.

Friends, They Said

Some people will walk through your life, but a few of those that leave footprints in your heart. Those few people are called friends. :)

#1 JARS

From left to right: Kristi - Ruth - Cika - Me

This is our photo, when we're in 8th grade. They're my first friends when I first in Junior High School. Meskipun sekarang udah pada beda-beda sekolah, Kristi& Ruth di SMAK 7 Penabur, Cika di SMAN 71, dan gue di SMAN 8, but I really do wish our friendship will never last. :)

#2 Pecinqtreize
Pecinqtreize (baca: pe-syang-troa) is my Junior High School schoolmates. Pe=P, cinq= 5 in France, treize = 13 in France. Yes we're the 13th generation. I love you guys for making me happy for 3 years, I really do; especially for Lingkaran Gosip (Meidy-- temen curhat gue sampe sekarang juga di 8, Noya, Rahmat, Matthew, dan Hansen) and C3 (Cice-- my classmates like until now!, Liong, Inez, Gysel).

#3 Rokris 8

Rokris 8'2013, not all of us but mostly here.

Gimanapun juga, Rokris 8 adalah teman dan keluarga pertama gue di 8. Bukan hanya untuk angkatan 2013 doang, dengan angkatan atas kita juga blend-in. Foto di atas pas kita lagi maker di rumah Juanita, pas masih ada Dio sebelum dia dapet beasiswa ke Singapura. As for Dio, you're always become part of us. :) Gue juga benar-benar berharap kalau kita selalu akan jadi keluarga sampai kelulusan 3 tahun lagi.

#4 YPM Buddies

Concert in Amir Pasaribu Concert Hall, Bintaro (2011)

Picture up there was taken when we had concert in Amir Pasaribu Concert Hall, Bintaro. Jadi ga semuanya di foto itu angkatan gue dan beberapa dari angkatan gue juga ga ada di situ. Pengalaman dari kelas 1 SD les piano di YPM, dari Pra Elementer sampai tingkat PK1 (besok ambil rapor piano by the way, amin naik PK2! O:)) banyak ketemu temen baru yang pastinya new fun for me. Especially for Feli dan Wina yang gue kenal dari Pra Elementer sampai sekarang, ga nyangka banget bisa selama ini kita temenan! My wish is: semoga kita sama-sama terus sampai tingkat PKG, praktek-teori-sejarah (dan nantinya ditambah paedagogi dan psikologi)!

#5 Xemisshic

Lagi-lagi, ga seluruhnya. Tapi cukup representatif buat mewakili.

Xemisshic = X-E Miss Sari's Hyperactive Class. Cukup dengan sekitar 9 bulan-an kenal sama mereka, udah cukup lama untuk bikin semuanya kompak. You're the best guys! :D

#6 Subpracata Siera 46

Lomba gerak jalan, Monas.

Keluarga gue untuk selama 3 tahun ke depan di SMAN 8. Belum keluarga sempurna mungkin, tapi gue yakin mereka akan jadi keluarga paling pas buat gue di 8.