Aku Ingin

Oleh: Sapardi Djoko Damono

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana
dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan
kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana
dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan
awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

I Wanna Lose Myself

Hey, I wanna share about things I keep thinking lately. This is about a feeling of being not in the place you should have been. Happy reading. (Now playing: Coldplay- Fix You)

I'm tired of being forced to do things I don't like.

I'm tired of laughing for formality, but inside I don't get the jokes at all.

I'm tired of keeping anger inside, and have to look happy outside. Sometimes, I wanna be a robot, so that I won't feel anything.

I'm tired of keeping people's feeling good all the time, but when it comes to mine, she's abandoned.

I'm tired of laughing when crowds surrounding me, but when I'm alone, I cried.

I'm tired of sacrificing my own feeling for others to be happy.

I'm tired of giving the one I love to others.

I'm tired of feeling dumb and always being scolded by others. It's like whatever I do, it's all wrong.

I'm tired of understanding others, while they never even try to understand me.

I'm tired of tolerating what I believe in so that there will be no fight.

I'm tired of not being able to insult others while people are free to insult me.

I know, I should blending in with you guys, my so-called-family. But I just can't. I don't know, is it just me or it's really not a place for me.

No need to be angry. I'm the one who do wrong. I'll be okay, or that's what I'll say.

Well, I've chosen it and I should deal with it. I'll pay the consequences and hope for a better future. There's no exit door.

A Part of Them

Hi guys, just had a really LOOOOOOOOOOONG day tomorrow with my second family in high school! Well, I'm not supposed to blog this like really detail, it supposed to be a secret so I keep my voice low and not gonna tell you every single detail of it. Mouth's closed :x but still, I feel like I have to blog this because I'm just feel really really happy also guilty and also exhausted because of it.

This activity, just call it, it's like a really important thing to us, especially as a freshman. Not all of my school students are attending, just us, as a family :) It's not a kinda fun happy comfortable thing to do, however. You've gotta have some guts and strength to do it. To be honest, I felt some kind of slightly hopeless just before the end of it, but because God is good all the time (and also my seniors), we've made it. Okay, not all of us actually, one of us are......well I don't know what to say, maybe being postponed to be just like us. We love you brother!

Before this activity I just felt kinda, I don't know, maybe like not belong to one of them but after it I feel more into them and feel like I'm also a part of them. Also thank you for my seniors I feel sooooooo grateful to have seniors like you guys. Thank you thank you thank you thank you very much for your understanding!

For my second family, that might reading this crap: I spent that night reading those testimonies you guys have written about me. I'm just literally shocked, I don't know you guys know that much things about me. Either I'm too obvious or is it you that put many attentions to me? :p I don't know, what matter to me is thank you for being with me this far. We got many things to do together after this, don't give up, let's bring the best!

P.S: I'm sorry for not writing in proper sequence guys. The second part of April& May post is coming next:)

April&May (Part 1)

Okay, let's make it simpler. As usual, I;m really like crazily busy because of school and piano course. The business drives me crazy but at least I still get fun with it. Here are things that keep me alive from this craziness.

APRIL

1. My 16th birthday!
24th April. Easter's girl. Meskipun ga ada acara sweet sixteen-an kayak di MTV, I still happy with my birthday! Dan menurut gue, ulang tahun menjadi spesial bukan karena apa yang kita lakukan atau yang kita dapat pas ulang tahun tapi makna di dalamnya. Oke, omongan gue agak-agak..... Tapi yang spesial dari ulang tahun itu kan seberapa banyak anugerah Tuhan yang udah dikasih sampai lo umur segitu.

Other than that, I got many birthday wishes from my friends! Love you guys♥♥♥

2. Sinematography Shooting (Part 1) + Easter Celebration with Rokris 8!
It's Saturday, 30th April. Pagi, jam 6-an gue dan kelompok sinem gue: Pot, Tika, Citra, Fina, Tania, Dzikra, Ojan, Haryo, Awang, Sevo buat shooting tugas sinem, bikin film dokumenter. Tema kelompok kita tentang "I Scream With Ice Cream", jadilah pagi itu kita wawancara tukang es podeng depan sekolah di rumahnya di daerah deket Manggarai sana. Tadinya kecarian rumahnya yang mana, but thanks to the good people there, akhirnya ketemu juga rumahnya. Sempet nunggu dulu di sana, nunggu abangnya bikin es nya dulu. Jadilah kita ngaso-ngaso nonton TV bahkan tidur-tiduran gara-gara masih ngantuk (ini agak ga tau diri) sampai es nya selesai. Pas es nya selesai, gue yang jadi reporter dan Sevo kameramen, Ojan sutradara ngeshoot abangnya lagi bikin flavor es nya. Pas pulang gara-gara abangnya ga jualan hari itu, disuruhlah kita bawa es podeng 1 gentong yang baru dibikin tadi. Gara-gara malemnya gue sama Tika ada perayaan paskah Rokris, gue dan Tika disuruh bawa es krim 1 gentong buat dibagi-bagiin. -_- Abis dari situ kita ke Pisa Cafe Tebet buat ngeshoot pembuatan gelato , tapi karena Harsya minta dijemput biar ga gabut-gabut dan jemput Kak Putri juga, kita ke sekolah dulu. Pas di sekolah mau confirm Pisa Cafe Tebet, eh ternyata mesinnya rusak. Mau beralih ke Pisa Cafe Menteng tapi ga bisa di telepon. Akhirnya Kak Putri bilang ke Plangi aja, banyak toko es krim katanya. Di jalan macet beudh parah, hujan-hujan lagi. Jadilah di satu mobil Tika itu tidur sampe ngiler-ngiler semua. Sampe di Plangi, pada mau beli buku buat tugas Agama Islam dulu ke Gramed, sementara Kak Putri nyari toko es krim. Dan ternyata ga ada toko es krimnya. Oke, karena udah sore dan masih ada yang punya acara jadilah kita makan siang dan pisah, gue sama Tika ke rumah Tika buat ganti baju dan yang lain ngebolang entah kemana.

As you know, Sabtu siang di daerah Tebet. Macet. Untungnya Plangi- Tebet ga terlalu macet. Set set set set ganti baju, langsung cao lagi ke GKI Halimun. Kebo, tidur lagi di mobil Tika. Sampe di sana gladi resik terakhir kali dengan Stefano a.k.a StefG_Hot und Claudia as M.C. Gue, Menyot, Carissa, Kak Raken, dan Kak Doko as pemusik. Tika, Timo, and Gir as singer. Seru banget perayaannya! Confession: Baru bikin persembahan angkatan on the spot dan di hari-H. Gila banget sumpah. But well, ga maksimal tapi intinya kan bikin HAHAHA. After perayaan baru deh sesi foto-foto edan. These are some of our photos:

Welcome Justin!

Welcome Justin Bieber (and, a little piece of uninvited Selena Gomez) to Indonesia! I'm neither watching your concert today, nor a belieber but since your come to Indonesia is a hype so....... I kinda think I've to post some of these pictures.



And what the hell is this?!

What the fuck is this, dude? And by the way, I'm not your-so-called bitches.

Anyway, I don't give a damn attention for her. Good luck Biebs on your concert today on Sentul Convention Center. Give those girls some loves!

Silly Love Songs

Paul McCartney and The Wings - Silly Love Songs

You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs
I look around me and I see it isn't so
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
And what's wrong with that?
I'd like to know
Cause here I go again
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I can't explain the feeling's plain to me, can't you see?
Ah, she gave me more, she gave it all to me now can't you see?
What's wrong with that?
I need to know'
Cause here I go again
I love you, I love you
Love doesn't come in a minute
Sometimes it doesn't come at all
I only know that when I'm in it
It isn't silly, love isn't silly, love isn't silly at all

How can I tell you about my loved one?
How can I tell you about my loved one?
How can I tell you about my loved one?
How can I tell you about my loved one?

I love you
I love you
I can't explain the feeling's plain to me, say can't you see? (I love you)
Ah, he gave me all, he gave it all to me to me, say can't you see? (I love you)
I can't explain the feeling's plain to me, say can't you see? (How can I tell you about my loved one?)
Ah, he gave me all, he gave it all to me to me say can't you see? (How can I tell you about my loved one?)
I can't explain the feeling's plain to me, say can't you see? (How can I tell you about my loved one?)
Ah, he gave me all, he gave it all to me to me say can't you see? (How can I tell you about my loved one?)
You'd think that people would have had enough